A couple enters my office. On both of their faces, emotions are visible — emotions that are not easy to talk about in a way that allows one to feel truly heard and understood. Sometimes even the closest people can feel deeply alienated from one another and struggle to understand each other. That is why I often find myself translating from German into German, although I am a Ukrainian myself. I have been living and working in Germany for 20 years.
It is precisely in working with couples that our need for closeness, acceptance and understanding becomes especially evident. When emotions are not heard or are misunderstood, a wall of alienation grows between us. Warmth and trust are replaced by the prickly coldness of distance.
But emotions are not an obstacle on the path to happy relationships. They are important internal signals whose function is to help us understand ourselves and one another. There are no “bad” or “wrong” emotions — each of them carries important information about our needs, values, and boundaries.
Emotions help us create an atmosphere of safety and comfort, come closer to one another, build happy relationships, and realize our desires and dreams. However, for this to happen, it is important to learn to understand them, to treat them with care, and to express them in a way that allows them to serve us rather than control us.
For this reason, Claude Steiner introduced the concept of the emotional landscape map—which I have illustrated — as a simple yet comprehensive scheme of four basic emotions:
This map helps quickly identify what you are truly feeling, even when emotions are mixed. Understanding emotions is the foundation of emotional literacy and the key to harmonious and deep relationships.
In my work with people, I help them:
- learn to recognize their own and others’ emotions,
- express them in a way that allows them to be heard and understood,
- resolve conflicts without devaluation and without wounded feelings.
Tenderness and mutual understanding are only possible where, instead of baring our “thorns,” we rely on the strength of our love.
If you want to better understand yourself and your loved ones, start with understanding emotions. More about them and about relationships can be found in my book in Ukrainian and in Russian. More on this — and on relationships — is written in my book, available in Ukrainian and in Russian for now. The English version is delayed because I have sooooo many appointments in my calendar.
Sincerely yours, Dr. Lena 🌹
